Dating communication styles
He knew that his current path was not leading him in the right direction, and he was very upset about it. I helped him with conversational skills, assertiveness skills, and with building self-esteem and confidence. Nevertheless, within three years he became president of a fraternity, had all the dates he wanted, had lots of friends, and had changed his major to one requiring a high level of interpersonal skills.He used individual counseling, an assertion training group, and self-help books. More importantly, he was much happier with himself and his life. Most people I see don't start at such a low level and only want or need much less help.Levels of intimacy vary from no contact strangers to friends or lovers who are very similar in their most important-innermost parts of themselves, care greatly about each other; communicate in a completely free, open, and honest manner; are willing to make significant efforts or sacrifices for each other, and are in a long-term committed relationship.This continuum starts with strangers at the low end, then moves to casual friends, people who are close in only one or two specific areas, people who are close in many areas for a short time, and ends with those closest in many areas over a long time span.Open, honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship.
Make sure there is equality of control and you do what you can to give your partner what he/she wants without giving up too much of yourself.
So, if your partner has these romantic beliefs/values, then he/she will feel more attracted to you if you create these romantic conditions. Treating people with kindness as opposed to cruelty, listening intently and helping a person explore as opposed to ignoring or interrupting, and expressing caring and respect as opposed to contempt are examples of behaviors that almost universally increase the likelihood of closeness.
If your partner doesn't have these beliefs and values, they will be less affected by your efforts, but they still may react positively because of the fact that it was a sign of caring. People who care about others, treat others well, and have good interpersonal skills will generally be more successful with others than people who don't.
I have counseled with and taught these skills to hundreds of people seeking ways of becoming more outgoing and assertive, more confident, and more able to develop close relationships with others-especially others in romantic situations.
If you are also concerned about fear of rejection and lack of self-confidence, read my short self-help manual, Beyond Fear of Rejection and Loneliness to Self-Confidence at